brokentv

Flash Friday: An Open Letter to Television

One part free writing, one part rant, this is my Dear John letter to television:

Dear Television,

I know this isn’t going to come as a surprise, but I need to put it out there: you and I are finished.

We have been growing apart for a long time now, Television, but I have always given you the benefit of the doubt. I’ve put up with years of head games and broken promises. You gave me shows like Sliders and Enterprise, which should have been oh so good, but just weren’t. You promised to treat me like an adult, but you talked down to me, treated me like I was stupid. I can only take that for so long Television. I know you still have The Big Bang Theory, and that’s great, but Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? What the hell is that?

My first clue should have have been the Smurfs. Remember how you told me that there were only one hundred Smurfs plus or minus Smurfette? But then that wasn’t enough for you. You started adding in more and more: children and babies and Grandparents. From where Television? From where?! You didn’t think I’d remember, did you? You thought I was just a stupid kid. You thought I’d just keep watching.

Well, I did keep watching. Because I loved you. I saw the great things you could be. I saw the Muppets, and Sesame Street while the hippies were still in charge. Their relentless optimism was infectious, and it still makes me smile. I saw Star Trek, which for all its papier mache boulders and repetitive redshirting, gave me the idea that that one day there would be a wonderful future where colour, or gender, or religion wouldn’t matter. I thank you for those things. I really do. But those good memories aren’t enough anymore.

https://i1.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/7e/StarTrek_Logo_2007.JPG

One more thing Television. This may hurt, but I’m just going to say it straight out: you are not the internet.

You need to stop offering up segments, or even entire programs, devoted to clips you found on the internet. Why do you treat me like I don’t know what the internet is? If I wanted to watch the internet, I would watch the internet. Remember the “If I wanted water” guy? I know you do, well it’s like that. Am I being petty? I know America’s Funniest Home videos did it, and to great success but that was before the days of YouTube and Reddit. I had to get my cat video fix somewhere. I’m not proud.

Aw Television, don’t be that way. We both know this has been coming for a long time. But we had some good times, didn’t we? I’m going to be the first to admit that. You gave me Connections with James Burke, and I’ll always love you for that. I’ll never forget that you gave me the X-files, even though it went to hell after season three and turned into an unwatchable mess by the end. Remember when you could learn something on the Learning Channel? I do. But now all I’m learning is how very different you and I have become. I’m not interested in the private lives of every screwed up weirdo in the free world. It was fun at first, I have to admit, but now it’s getting more than a little creepy.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to abandon you at the side of the road. We have to think of the kids. I know that. I’ll still sit politely through Pokemon, and Phineas and Ferb because that’s when you are at your best. We both get that. In any case I suspect the kids will see through you eventually. Just like I did. You can only feed them half-hour long toy commercials for so long before they cotton on to your games. The kids are smart, smarter than you give them credit for.

You may think I’m just being mean, nitpicking like this, but this is also a warning Television. It’s not just me. If you keep offering up nothing but inane reality shows, and melodramatic ‘news’ that could just as easily be read by Kent Brockman, you are going to lose everyone who matters to you.

Evil Barking Cat is the Best Thing Ever

It’s not really nerdy, and I’m not a huge pusher of cat videos, but this barking cat is about the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I love how the cat reacts when he realizes he’s been found out.

“Mew?”

Discovery Channel has a video explanation that I don’t 100% buy but it’s worth watching:

Is the cat sick? I hope not. Is it faked? Maybe. It would be interesting to have an expert look over this cat and see what’s what. But really? Cat videos are what makes the internet go ’round. It’s probably better not to know – it would spoil the illusion. Because internet barking cat video is the best thing ever.

This Tree Will Eat Your Soul…

It looks as if it has eaten some already. I found this tree outside a little mall in my little town. The top’s been cut off and it is probably going to be taken out as they finish renovating. But I got some awesome pictures before it’s gone.

This tree will eat your soul

Heeelllppp meeeee

 

One Lovely Blog Award and Gif-o-rama

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I’ve been nominated for a One Lovely Blog Award!

Thanks to mikes75 of Untitled*United ! So now I have some administrative tasks to deal with:

1. Put the One Lovely Blog logo on my blog

2. Thank the blog that nominated me, and link back

3. List seven things about me

4. Nominate some other great blogs I follow

Sooooo…

One Lovely Blog Logo

See above.

Thank the Blog that Nominated Me

Thank you thank you thank you mikes75! Check him out here.

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Seven things about me

Ummm…I’m not sure there *are* seven things about me…

1. I saw the Gorilla in the basketball video

2. Once I worked at Canadian Tire and two shady-looking guys came in and purchased only crowbars and ski masks. I asked them if they had big plans for tonight.

3. The movie The Fourth Kind scared the bejeezus out of me. I still won’t take the dogs to pee if it’s anywhere near 3:33.

4. I live in the same town as Commander Rick.

5. I sing at least one-third of the things that come out of my mouth. Yesterday I sang the Lo Hicimos song from Dora at the grocery store because I came in under budget (We bought the groceries and didn’t blow the budget, we did it! We did it!).

6. I’ll still watch Phineas and Ferb if my kids aren’t home. I like Dr. Doofensmertz more than I should.

7. I’m not sure when I turned into a person who puts clothes on her dog, and never turns off the computer.

Nominate other Blogs

Ooohh. This is soooo hard!

1. The Hatter’s Writing Desk – funny and talented and brutally honest.

2. Eat. Plants. Live. – because veganism isn’t just fun, it also gives you mind powers.

3. Circles Under Streetlights – get your short fiction fix here

4. Raising My Rainbow – I can’t stand that in 2012 there’s still parents who divide the world into ‘girl stuff’ and ‘boy stuff’. At least *This* mom gets it right.

5. All She Wants to Do is Knit – anyone who can knit a Tardis shawl is fine by me.

Thanks again, and yay me!

A Very Sensible Flash Friday

Hey Boy with a Hat! This post is all your fault. 🙂 You asked why any sensible person would want to be a writer, and my first thought was that no sensible person would want to be a writer. Somebody once asked Neil Gaiman if they ought to become a writer when they grew up. Neil Gaiman replied (more or less) – Don’t grow up, just become a writer.

But then I thought, that really, who would want to read what a sensible person has to say? Unless its a book on organizing your home or handling your finances. Right? So I present something a little bit silly – the ramblings of a sensible person (certainly not me).

via http://www.stock-photos-free.com/Royalty-Free-Images/Woman__136

The Rambling of a Sensible Person

Heather got up at exactly the right time. She didn’t need an alarm clock – she was a morning person. The sun shone through the window, smiling warmly on the clothes she had laid out the night before, something she did every night. Heather put on her white blouse and buttoned it up to the top (except for the very last button – she didn’t want to seem stuffy). Then she put on her beige pants.

One leg at a time, Heather thought to herself and laughed.

Out in the kitchen, Heather had a sensible breakfast of bran buds and low fat milk. The wholesome brown colour of the cereal, and the clink of the spoon in the bowl were very satisfying. Her car keys were waiting in the basket near the door, in exactly the place she left them every night. Heather sailed out the door and drove to work, carefully following the posted speed limits and rules of the road.

At work, Heather hung her coat on the rack, put her lunch in the fridge and went straight to her little office while the other associates milled around in the common area before starting their day – chit chat wasted time. She immediately checked her client emails and returned any calls that had come in after she left the office last night. As she opened her first client file of the day she wondered what this ‘minesweeper’ was that all her colleagues talked about playing during client phone calls. She had never noticed it, and had certainly never played it. Heather loved hearing the details of her clients’ lives. They seemed to have so many interesting problems, and it was great to help solve them.

All too soon it was lunch time. Heather headed to the lunch room, went to the fridge and got out her lunch. It was chicken and mashed potatoes and peas. She always made extra the night before so she could take the leftovers for lunch. Someone had once asked her how she knew in advance what she was going to want to eat. She’d looked confused.

“What I want? I just make it and eat it,” she’d said.

Another of her co-workers, Gail, was having a baby.

“Do you know what you’re having? A girl or boy?” Heather asked.

“We want to keep it a surprise.” Gail answered, rubbing her belly.

“Do you have any names picked out?” asked Lisa from sales.

“Well,…” Gail listed off a number of odd names, some for girls and some for boys.

Heather finished chewing, and waiter for a break in the conversation.

“Have you thought about ‘Liam’, or ‘Emily’?” Heather suggested. “They’re popular now.”

Gail told her that she didn’t want her son to be one of a group of children with the same name in the same class. Heather chewed slowly listening carefully. When she got home she’d print out a list of the most popular baby names, and give it to Gail. Heather liked to be helpful that way. And it had always made her smile when several kids in each class had the same name as she did. It was always good for your kids to feel like part of a group.

At the end of the day Heather organised all her files so everything would be clean and ready to start fresh in the morning. She turned out the light to save energy, and closed the door behind her. It made a satisfying good-night ‘click’.

 

Ben Folds + Fraggle Rock = Best Thing Ever

This is making the rounds of all the nerd sites, for obvious reasons. I was never a huge fan of Ben Folds Five but, needless to say, I am now. Most things in life could be elevated to BTE status by adding Fraggle Rock. Amirite? Even armpits…

And for reasons that will be clearer after the vid, here are a selection of Fraggle Rock tattoos from the depths of the interwebz:

Got this Doozer from Fraggle Rock from Josh Chatwin at Lucky Rabbit in Indiana! It is my very first tattoo and I love everything about it! Can’t wait to go back for a touch-up and some background action.
via fyeahtattoos.com
Red Fraggle in Color by maleike Tattoo artistin
via http://www.myspace.com/moskitotattoo/photos/13781158

Apparently Red is a popular Fraggle. But why in the armpit? Though, it can only make your armpits more attractive…

fraggle
find this image at http://news.bmezine.com/2010/08/09/dance-your-cares-away/

The other armpit:

From http://www.myspace.com/venominktattoo/photos/60457392

This looks like it’ll be awesome when it’s done:

Tattoo Finished Outline Fraggles Doozers
Check this out at http://www.lifewithlevi.com/2012/08/what-happens-when-you-get-a-tattoo/

Anything + Fraggle Rock = the Best Thing Ever.

Hello Kitty is the Best Thing Ever

I looove Hello Kitty and I don’t care who knows it. I’m not a girly girl, by any stretch of the imagination, but come on…Hello Kitty. There is some awesome Hello Kitty gear available in teh interwebs! I’ve wasted my morning at sanrio.com and you should too.

Check out the Hello Kitty 2-slice toaster:

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Move over Jesus, because now Hello Kitty is appearing on toast everywhere. Lol. Also on Grilled Cheeses:

https://i2.wp.com/images02.sanrio.weblinc.com/resources/sanrio/images/products/processed/31169-201009.a.zoom.jpg

Hello Kitty Vans are sawesome:

https://i1.wp.com/images02.sanrio.weblinc.com/resources/sanrio/images/products/processed/vansAhiPtBlkRd.a.zoom.jpg

The red bow is the clincher for me. I would sooo wear these. I would also totally wear this watch if watches didn’t stop all the time as soon as I put them on:

https://i2.wp.com/images01.sanrio.weblinc.com/resources/sanrio/images/products/processed/47904-201205.a.zoom.jpg

But watches do stop. Every time I wear them. And start back up again when I take them off. I’ve stopped asking why. But never mind that. Lookie there, it’s nerdy Hello Kitty:

https://i1.wp.com/images03.sanrio.weblinc.com/resources/sanrio/images/products/processed/mfNerdHead.a.zoom.jpg

Everyone needs one of these shirts. They are the best thing ever.

 

Doctor Who Scarf Update

I thought I’d better update my scarf progress. I *am* working on it, I swear.

Tom Baker Scarf

With it all spread out like that, I can see that my knitting has gotten a lot tighter than it was when I started. Also, the brown is a totally different kind of yarn and a heavier weight, so there’s not much I can do about it being wider. :/And I haven’t cut off the ends where I joined the colours yet, so it looks a bit messy.

I have about a foot of scarf left to go, and if I ever get to work on it I may finish it some day! I want it for Hallowe’en. If I buckle down, I can have it done by then.

That’s a big if.