I work, unfortunately, and I get to read these “women’s” magazines in the break room. They drive me nuts.Sure I could stop reading them…well, no I couldn’t. I’m the kind of person who would read a cereal box if it was the only text in front of me. I can’t help myself.
But these mags (you know the type) are especially abhorant to me. All about make-up, clothing, dieting and other things that women supposedly care about. And personality quizzes. Much like Penthouse Letters, and horoscopes I’m pretty sure these “personality quizzes” are pulled fresh out of the steaming cloaca of some overworked staff writer. So I made one myself! Because that’s how my mind works.
The topic today is nail polish!
some crap I totally just made up Your Favourite Nail Polish Colour Says About You:
Party Girl Red – You’re old. Old enough to remember when Bono’s voice was still changing. And sad enough for that to be the reason you bought this colour.
Silver Sand – You are boring and you are proud of it. Your favourite decorator is Brian Gluckstein. Sorry to tell you but taupe, camel and café au lait are all just beige.
Midnight Black – you like Hallowe’en a little too much. And you still spell it with the apostrophe because you’re cool like that, and also probably a teenage boy.
Petal Pink – You like raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens…and you don’t see anything wrong with that.
Sunny Yellow – You are in style and up to date. You know that yellow is the new pea-soup green. And pea soup green is the new yellow ochre. You are conventional in every way, except that you secretly miss Painting with Bob Ross. A lot.
Crackle Coat – You are a zombie, or at least you wish you were. Then you could indulge in all the luscious, creamy brains you desire.
Merlot – This one is pretty self-explanatory. You’re drunk right now, aren’t you?
Apparently I am a teenage boy. But I *do* like Hallowe’en too much. It’s uncanny! How do they know?!
How did you do? Zombie? Lush? Sad old bag? Lemme know…